Injury Interview

Hello everyone. Our next interview in the Inclusion and Wellbeing series is with the lovely Emma Wilson on her long-term shin splints, the effect it’s had on her health and how she’s managed. I have so much admiration Please give it a read.

How many years have you had shin splints for?

Around four and a half years (since June 2016), although I’ve not been completely off running the whole time. I’ve ended up training in cycles of injury which normally start by me taking a few months off, then some small walks/runs and gradually building it up to a few times a week with as little pain as possible. Then it freaks out in some way, and I repeat.

How has your long-term injury affected your mental health over the years?

In a lot of ways, I feel like I could write a book on this, but I’ll try to keep it brief. Honestly, the worst part for me is the feelings of helplessness and frustration. Experimenting with new training approaches, seeing numerous specialists, trying new treatments, being patient and careful (code word for boring) with my training, having some initial success which gets my hopes up and then it getting worse again and again hurts bad. I think emotional burn-out is not considered nearly enough when it comes to recovering from a chronic injury as it’s an extremely emotionally draining process at times. For me, investing my hope and effort into a process that returns squat eats away at my motivation to keep trying, and makes it feel like failure is inevitable and permanent. Before I know it, weeks turn to months and to years and I feel like everyone else is progressing with their training, while I’m stuck in the same situation. Injury has led to big loses in my fitness, which is never fun. Although there were times where I stayed fit with cross-training, it required huge amounts of extra commitment and spare time. It’s just wasn’t sustainable for me to maintain it while also having other important things like Uni work to do, so after a while fitness loss becomes pretty much inevitable. It can be hard to deal with the fact that paces I used to manage easily are now difficult, and friends I used to keep up with are now much faster.Then there’s the other minefield, of how to actually cure my injury after trying what feels like exhausting every possible solution. The randomness of my injury means I find it difficult to get meaningful help and I’ve read and been told so much contradicting advice. Not being able to identify the causes and having to plan the best way to progress can be overwhelming. I’ve been torn between interpreting pain as either: a) phantom pain, b) bad pain because I’m making it worse or c) good pain because I’m desensitising the muscle. This confusion isn’t helped when I get told by others that I’m just being over dramatic, just making my injury up or not even trying to get better. Saying all that, I’m grateful that I’ve had some periods of better running while injured. The highs can make the lows feel worse, but I’d still rather get to experience them. I think it makes me more appreciative and keeps me humble, which can only really be a good thing.

What has kept you motivated to cross-train so consistently?

Initially competing in junior international competitions kept me very excited and motivated. After my first EYOC I was hooked and I knew I wanted to come back better. I believed that all my hard cross-training work would eventually pay off with results. My injury had only been going on for two years so it felt like there could be an end in sight and I wanted to be fit when I came back. It definitely helps having a self-motivated personality – even when I was dropped from the GB junior squad it only made me more determined to improve. Maybe in hindsight I went a little too hard with the cross-training early on to compensate for injury, but it was hard to tell at the time because I was happy to put in the work.Now without a competition based goal I struggle more with finding motivation, which has definitely only got harder as the injury has persisted, although I’ve got much better at accepting my a more chilled training approach and the benefits that come with it. Now I find motivation in being able to enjoy getting outside, clear my head and feel healthy, and most of the time cross-training is the only way I can do this. Also, quite simply I enjoy going orienteering, and I want to stay active enough that I can continue enjoy it, be it recreationally or hopefully one day in a more competitive sense.

How do you mentally deal with missing out on certain running/ orienteering events and training sessions? Any specific examples where you have felt left out and struggled with this?

Yeah, this can be really tough sometimes. There’s the day-to-day things of missing out on nice runs with friends, club trainings and races. I’m quite limited in what type of running I can do and this inflexibility means I mostly run alone. When I’m at Uni it’s pretty much impossible to avoid seeing how much easier it is for most people to run. It can feel unfair that I have to deal with something that some people don’t even think twice about, but with no one or nothing to direct it at or make sense of it. I find that linking up part of a run with friends can make a big difference (which turns out in Corona times is basically the only way to see people). Also for me, finding people to cycle with really helps lot. And of course, if all else fails, there’s the thinly veiled ploy to convince your friends to cycle along the west coast with you because it will be easy and fun: works every time.But there’s also the bigger stuff like missing competitions. I know a lot of people have probably experienced this at some point, but missing out because of something that is largely out of your control really sucks. The most obvious example for me was missing my last JWOC. As always it wasn’t black and white, I know there’s a million reasons I didn’t perform as well as I could have in the selection races, but given how close things came down to in the end my injury was undoubtedly a big factor. I had put it all on the line so now that my injury had now flared up badly (even walking was painful), I was devastated and emotionally exhausted from the constant trying. I felt cheated, yet there was nothing that could be done in that situation and no one to blame but myself. It took time to get over, especially since my friends were absolutely amazing and I couldn’t be there to support them. I think to make peace with failure you’ve got to try to separate yourself from it, look back logically and be kind to yourself. Time is probably the best remedy, along with the change of perspective that comes with it. I know it’s a cliché, but you have to think long-term on the big picture stuff. Be grateful for all that you CAN do. And of course, try to remember that it’s the people that really make orienteering the best sport, not the competitions.

Do you have any other hobbies other than orienteering and running? If so how have these helped whilst you’ve been injured?

Yes. I think at the start of Uni training was a huge part of my life at the expense of some of my other interests, which definitely didn’t help with things in the long run. I’ve always really loved playing music, especially the piano although I can’t play it at Uni. Something I’d wanted to do for years was also learn the guitar, so last year during lockdown, I taught myself and I’ve really enjoyed it. Also used to enjoy painting but stopped when I got busy and completely forgot about it, I’ve been getting back into it over the last year.

Can you give some short pieces of advice for someone struggling with an injury at the moment?

Acknowledge your feelings and accept the impact they could have on your mental health. I’ve struggled confronting my feelings in the past partly because I’m aware that having a running injury may be a fairly privileged problem to have in the grand scheme of life hardships, but if running is important to you then a long-term injury will almost certainly start to mess with your mental health, even if you try and avoid it. I don’t normally like talking about my injury and have perfected the art of compartmentalising because I didn’t want to be defined by it or come across as moaning. So, I became in denial about how miserable I was really feeling until things got bad enough that I had to tell a friend. It is important to realise you are not a burden if you ask for help or admit your struggling, even if it makes others uncomfortable.I cannot understate how transformative it was to properly talk to someone about how I was feeling. I’d really encourage you to do it, whether it’s with a friend, family member or a professional. It has helped me understand the toll my injury had truly taken which I hadn’t previously realised. It felt for a long time like I’d been treading water mentally, just about keeping afloat, and talking about it was an act of release. As I said before, it took me a long time to reach out but you don’t need to wait until it gets bad to get help. Treat it like a physically injury; don’t let a niggle get out of control.Change your perspective (I know I know… easier said than done). It might not be the most obvious from this interview, but if you know me you’ll know I try to stay optimistic about it as much as possible. Of course having bad days is completely normal – you can’t control that – but you can control your outlook on them. That doesn’t mean you always have to always be happy but it’s about knowing that the negative emotions will eventually pass. Your value isn’t determined by how fast or much you can run. Don’t get me wrong, running is great if it brings you joy or purpose, but you weren’t put on this planet solely to run miles faster than the next guy. It’s hard letting go of a goal, but it can be refreshing to channel your energy into something new that isn’t limited by your injury.(Oops, that was not very short advice.)

How can people support their friends who are mentally struggling with an injury?

As I said before, the obvious one is to simply talk to them about it. I know you might feel like you can’t fully relate or maybe you feel a bit guilty that you’re not injured or you don’t want them to get upset. It doesn’t have to be pure serious; just a check in could help a lot. I think making the first move to start a conversation would go a long way. As well as talking, actually plan to do something with your friend that isn’t running. Sometimes I’m just so done with having to talk and think about it and also when I’m down I can become reclusive and don’t want to do much. So do anything that will help take their mind off it for a bit and remind them that you’re not just friends because you both do orienteering.Also, general life advice: just be kind, you don’t know what people are going through.

Best memory from being in EUOC so far?

There are a lot of real contenders but I think it has to be the 2018 EUOC summer holiday to the Cerkno Cup in Slovenia. Honestly the whole trip was great, I can’t pick a specific moment. The orienteering was cool, but even better was all the touristy things we did together, like visiting Lake Bohinj, gorges, Ljubljana and our mixed success escape room trip. I guess what really made it was the great group of people and the chance to become closer with people I didn’t know very well before.

Tell us about your plans for the next few years studying and orienteering wise!

My only training aim right now is to be able to run consistently without pain. Enjoyment must come first. Uni-wise I’m very excited about next year as I’m planning to complete my Masters in Amsterdam. Apart from that, we’ll see… I don’t think there’s much point planning life too far ahead at the moment. Although I’m definitely looking forward to seeing all of EUOC together again for a big fat sesh.Thank you for sharing! Have a good weekend everyone, look after yourselves and your friends, and as always, my virtual door is open for anyone who would like a chat