Anxiety

TW: Anxiety

This week for inclusion and wellbeing we’re looking at anxiety, and we have an interview with the lovely Roanne Lilley

When did it start and how did you cope on a daily basis?

It started around the time I came to uni. I was not in any way nervous about going to uni, if anything I was extremely excited. I had always wanted to go to uni, especially Edinburgh as I’d heard so many great things about EUOC, and generally I had always been confident in new situations. Even when I got to uni, I didn’t feel that homesick and I wasn’t nervous or anxious about my new life. So nothing seemed amiss and I still don’t really understand how my anxiety came around but this was the only real change in my life that I can link it to. I guess this in itself is a good lesson because everything in my life was great and I still developed a mental health problem so you should never feel like it is wrong or unjustified. Each day varied. Many days I was fine and was thriving in university life, other days I felt like I had no motivation and even mundane easy tasks felt difficult and scary. I found travel difficult like car journeys and minibus rides. This made it really difficult to go on EUOC weekends away and I ended up cancelling on most of them which didn’t help either because I missed out on spending time with my friends which would definitely have helped me overcome this anxiety. I found walking to uni or the shops difficult. Even walking to Tesco felt like a long way where I wasn’t in a secure place I knew. So I also didn’t go to quite a few lectures. I wasn’t really aware at this time that anything was that wrong with me. Writing it now, it can’t believe I didn’t ever question why I felt like this but I guess I was caught up in uni life that I never questioned these feelings. What helped you overcome it?

I know this is what everyone says but honestly the thing that really helped me get better was talking to people. As soon as I talked to people I felt like a massive weight was lifted off me. I bought some herbal remedy things like sweets and a herbal drop that are meant to help with anxiety. I cant say I really believe they actually do anything to you but the placebo really helped me. This really helped me start to control it a little more so I could deal with the feeling long enough to do stuff like a mini bus journey to Aviemore or a trip to the Princes street shops. The more and more people I talked to about it the better I felt. Its really important you tell people, it will always help and you should never feel ashamed. I was always too scared to tell people because I felt like a bit of a fraud for having anxiety when my life was so great. Weirdly, the other thing that helped was pushing myself to do stuff I knew I would feel anxious about. The more times I managed these situations the more I seemed to train my brain that I was alright and gradually I stopped feeling anxious at all. Another, major factor in my recovery was EUOC training. At the start of 2nd year, I properly started going to all the training sessions and I started to feel so much better. It was the first time I had ever trained and I loved working towards goals. I also loved the social aspect of it and I just gradually stopped thinking about my anxiety. I don’t think it necessarily has to be training but just finding something you’re really passionate about that will give your brain somewhere to focus is good.

Do you still have moments where you still struggle?

I still have moments of anxiety and even panic attacks but I am much better at controlling them and not letting them control me. I think anxiety plays more of a background role in my life now. I get anxious more than I used to but about things I should generally feel anxious about like uni and not about walking to the shop. Normally, the reason I start to have a panic attack is because I’m tired or stressed, so I much more aware of taking rest days when I’m tired or ditching lectures for an afternoon if it’s getting too much (I’m actually probably too good at that last one).

3 short pieces of advice to anyone struggling with anxiety now.

I think the important messages are: don’t feel embarrassed or like you are failing because you have a mental health issue, anybody can develop one and they don’t even have to make sense. You can feel happy and have a great life and still have mental health struggles. Secondly, talk to someone or everyone, the more people that know the better because that will take some of the stress of yourself. And finally, make sure you set aside time for rest.

What are your plans for the future after you graduate?

I’m going to do a masters in sustainability and conservation in Exeter, and hopefully lots of running adventures to cool places once this whole pandemic is finally over!

Thanks to Roanne for sharing. I think one of the messages here is that you never know what someone is going through. Many of you will have known Roanne in her first year but wouldn’t have known she was struggling. If you’re suffering from anxiety at the moment please pop her a message, she is more than happy to talk to you<3